Sometimes it seems like life is just moving way too fast, and I never have enough time to do everything that needs to be done, let alone the extra things I want to do.
And, I look at our baby each day, and how she changes and grows - so much in only (almost) 4 months, and I just want to bottle up each moment of her life, so I can go back and savor it again.
Today's sermon was on Marriage. They were ending the "Fireproof Weekend" - a weekend seminar focused around the Fireproof movie, and The Love Dare. Hubs and I just finished The Love Dare a couple of weeks ago, and are contemplating doing it again. We've decided rather than doing it for 40 days, we may take one dare per week, and do it for 40 weeks. It's an interesting thought, anyway.
Back to the sermon - it was on "The ABCs of Marriage". Love is Active (A), Benevolent(B), and Committed (C). It was a good reminder/refresher for me, because in the day to day hecticness of my life, I keep slipping. It's hard for me to be the wife I want to be every day. It's hard for me to be the mother I want to be every day. And, Lord knows, it is hard for me to be the Christian I want to be every day.
The sermon was just a reminder to me of my renewed commitment to my marriage, and to making things work, even when they're hard.
After the baby went down tonight, I sat in her room and read a little more in my book on being an encouraging wife. I know I wasn't great at this today. There were so many things that kept entering my mind - the garage he hasn't finished cleaning up for 4 months (despite telling me I'd be able to park in there again this weekend), the fact that I was left to clean the entire dinner mess myself, the fact that he can't settle the baby, so I have to stop what I am doing and tend to her, and then go back to cleaning...it was all building up and frustrating me. And I know, when I took the baby from him when she wouldn't stop crying, it made him feel bad. I was stressing, because I had things I wanted to do - and in that, I grabbed her away from him and made him feel inadequate at parenting her. And he's not. He needs to be commended for trying, when a lot of dads would have just given up and handed her over. Instead I was huffy with him.
So I sat and read a little tonight, and then cuddled on Hubs for awhile, which I knew he needed.
In looking through all the menu plans tonight (mine is posted here), I found a site about becoming a Proverbs 31 woman. I went and read Proverbs 31. I like it. SO that is my new project.
Like I needed another! LOL. The Lord just keeps placing more and more in front of me. And I want to take it all on. I just need about 12 more hours in the day to accomplish it!
And now I need to get to bed!
Good night, and God Bless.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
On Praying for Insight
Two and a half weeks ago I was visited by Mormon missionaries. They came at the behest of my best friend's brother-in-law, who is Mormon. I am not bothered by their visit, aside from a slight awkwardness as I stood on my front porch talking to two boys in their late teens while wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt which had baby spit-up on each shoulder. As I stood there speaking with them, my hair pulled back in a half pony tail and no make up, the baby spit up even more - all down my back. Fun times.
But all in all, I felt blessed that they had visited. Our sermon in the week prior was about being the salt and the light in the world, and about how God places us in certain situations to have the opportunity to spread His word, so that others may know Him.
So I stood their on my front porch, totally unglamorous and reeking of baby vomit, and I realized - God brought them here for a reason. It was not, I think, for them to minister to me. I have prayed on that at length over the past 2 1/2 weeks, as I looked at bits and pieces in the Book of Mormon they left, and asked God for guidance on whether what is in that book is true.
As I laid in bed early this morning, unable to sleep, this blog name came into my mind. Well, in reality, I wanted it to be truthandgrace.com. Sadly, that was already taken. The site it's taken by is devoted to exposing the truths of untrue religions, one of which is mormonism.
To me, this is God giving me the guidance I asked for. This is God giving me the questions to ask these boys when they return later this week, and the questions to ask them to help them re-think their "truths". The trick, as I see it, is how I help them understand that there IS a God out there - they've just been taught the wrong way up until now. And boy is that a tall order for someone so newly in these shoes.
But all in all, I felt blessed that they had visited. Our sermon in the week prior was about being the salt and the light in the world, and about how God places us in certain situations to have the opportunity to spread His word, so that others may know Him.
So I stood their on my front porch, totally unglamorous and reeking of baby vomit, and I realized - God brought them here for a reason. It was not, I think, for them to minister to me. I have prayed on that at length over the past 2 1/2 weeks, as I looked at bits and pieces in the Book of Mormon they left, and asked God for guidance on whether what is in that book is true.
As I laid in bed early this morning, unable to sleep, this blog name came into my mind. Well, in reality, I wanted it to be truthandgrace.com. Sadly, that was already taken. The site it's taken by is devoted to exposing the truths of untrue religions, one of which is mormonism.
To me, this is God giving me the guidance I asked for. This is God giving me the questions to ask these boys when they return later this week, and the questions to ask them to help them re-think their "truths". The trick, as I see it, is how I help them understand that there IS a God out there - they've just been taught the wrong way up until now. And boy is that a tall order for someone so newly in these shoes.
Truth and Grace
While I'm still up not sleeping, I wanted to write about why I named this site Truth and Grace. Mainly, it came from the sermon I listened to in church yesterday, which dealt with being a "Life-Giving Farmer". In one of those funny quirks, God was reinforcing that idea of Encouragement that I wrote about in my previous post. The pastor spoke about how our words and actions can either be life-giving or death-giving. They can build up, or they can destroy.
Jesus, of course, calls on us to be life-giving.
I will admit to this. I am a critical person. I would love to be able to take the cop-out that it was how my mother was, and how her mother was before her, and her mother, and so on and so on. But in the end, it's an excuse. I have control over my own actions and words. I choose, every day, to either be critical of my husband and children (and other people) for not doing things the way I think they should, or to be encouraging and affirming, and build them up. It is much easier for me to choose the lesser path - of nit picking and criticality that makes them feel like a failure.
It's not intentional on my part - it would never be intentional to make those I love the most feel bad about themselves. It's just easy to do.
The other main teachings from yesterday's sermon were about Truth and Grace.
Truth. We all understand Truth, right? I know I understand the truth I spoke of in my last post - about my husband's stinky socks. The truth is, sometimes he's what my mother refers to as a slob. I can be honest and truth-full, and tell him he's a slob.
And that would hurt his feelings. But it's true, right? So I'm justified!
The problem is, speaking that way to my husband is death-giving. Death to love, death to my marriage, death to the intimacy between my most cherished confidant and friend.
Grace. Grace is a fairly easy concept, I think, to understand as Christians. It is by the Grace of God that we are all saved - forgiven for our sins - even those we continue to commit after being Saved. Why is it so hard, then, to extend grace to the ones closest to us? To our husbands, our children, our parents, our friends. Why is it so easy to get bogged down in hurt feelings or resentment?
The answer, I think, is that we're human. God has given us free will. He has given us the choice to live in that darker place - that death-giving place where the hard feelings fester and putrefy, and kill that which we hold most dear. He has also given us the ability, using the love He has shown us, to be grace-full to those we love. (And yes, I am intentionally writing that as grace-full (full of grace) rather than graceful (not likely to trip over your own feet and go tush over teakettle down the stairs). )
God has called us to a higher purpose. He has called us to be life-giving. To be encouraging. To let His love, agape love, shine through us so brightly it cannot be denied. We are not called to ignore the truth - it's there. Sometimes it rears it's ugly head when we would like it to just go away. But He calls us to cover that truth in grace.
Truth. And. Grace.
TAG.
You're it.
Jesus, of course, calls on us to be life-giving.
I will admit to this. I am a critical person. I would love to be able to take the cop-out that it was how my mother was, and how her mother was before her, and her mother, and so on and so on. But in the end, it's an excuse. I have control over my own actions and words. I choose, every day, to either be critical of my husband and children (and other people) for not doing things the way I think they should, or to be encouraging and affirming, and build them up. It is much easier for me to choose the lesser path - of nit picking and criticality that makes them feel like a failure.
It's not intentional on my part - it would never be intentional to make those I love the most feel bad about themselves. It's just easy to do.
The other main teachings from yesterday's sermon were about Truth and Grace.
Truth. We all understand Truth, right? I know I understand the truth I spoke of in my last post - about my husband's stinky socks. The truth is, sometimes he's what my mother refers to as a slob. I can be honest and truth-full, and tell him he's a slob.
And that would hurt his feelings. But it's true, right? So I'm justified!
The problem is, speaking that way to my husband is death-giving. Death to love, death to my marriage, death to the intimacy between my most cherished confidant and friend.
Grace. Grace is a fairly easy concept, I think, to understand as Christians. It is by the Grace of God that we are all saved - forgiven for our sins - even those we continue to commit after being Saved. Why is it so hard, then, to extend grace to the ones closest to us? To our husbands, our children, our parents, our friends. Why is it so easy to get bogged down in hurt feelings or resentment?
The answer, I think, is that we're human. God has given us free will. He has given us the choice to live in that darker place - that death-giving place where the hard feelings fester and putrefy, and kill that which we hold most dear. He has also given us the ability, using the love He has shown us, to be grace-full to those we love. (And yes, I am intentionally writing that as grace-full (full of grace) rather than graceful (not likely to trip over your own feet and go tush over teakettle down the stairs). )
God has called us to a higher purpose. He has called us to be life-giving. To be encouraging. To let His love, agape love, shine through us so brightly it cannot be denied. We are not called to ignore the truth - it's there. Sometimes it rears it's ugly head when we would like it to just go away. But He calls us to cover that truth in grace.
Truth. And. Grace.
TAG.
You're it.
Heavenly Father, why won't you let me sleep?
The Lord works in mysterious ways. It's a trite saying, but all too true. Many years ago, I sat in church while the pastor discussed insomnia, and how, at times, the Lord will plant a seed in our heads. It's a seed that until we pay attention to it, and do as it's nagging at us to do, may keep us from sleeping. Today seems to be one of those days for me.
Now understand - I have an infant daughter, along with four other children and a husband care for. I honestly require every spare second of sleep I can get! But today, the Lord wanted me up and working on this, and so, obediently, here I am.
Yesterday was a day of many revelations. (Not capital R, Revelations - that's a whole different discussion!) I have prayed for understanding lately, and I have prayed for my marriage. God chose to give me both in measure while at church yesterday.
I was early for the service yesterday. My husband, who is pagan, does not attend church with me for obvious reasons, but it does afford me the small luxury of sometimes leaving the baby home with him while I attend services. My daughter and stepdaughter were up late Saturday night, and as my mother likes to say, "The devil was in their pillows on Sunday morning!"
So I found myself ready to leave for church by myself, a little earlier than usual, and I set off. My early arrival (and lack of money for a latte or cappuccino at the coffee bar) gave me time to visit the church resource center, which has recordings of past services, but also sells Christian books, music, and movies. I was drawn to one section that is specifically devoted to readings recommended by the Pastors of the church, and specifically to one row, devoted to the marriage relationship. The one book in particular that kept drawing me back was one on Encouraging your Husband (I'll look the title up later and link it - right now it's in the bedroom with my sleeping husband, who would NOT be encouraged by me waking him up!). One of the things my husband has said in the last few months, as we struggled in our marriage, is that he feels that I tell him he's my hero one minute, and dirt the next. It wasn't intentional on my part, mind you - in my head he was always my hero. The problem is that my words didn't match what I was feeling.
In the day to day muck and mud of love and marriage, it's easy to forget to be a light to your spouse or significant other. It's all too easy to get bogged down in the garbage of having to pick his socks up off the floor again, or picking up the wet towel he left on the floor, or once again, having to put the dishes in the sink that he just left on the table for the "dish fairy" to take care of for him! When all of those things pile up, and that little bugger "resentment" kicks in, it can be hard to be a life-affirming, love-giving, champion of their every move, grace-full partner.
And yet, Jesus calls us to be just that.
I read the first five or so pages of the book before the service started yesterday. On my way home, I decided to start a small experiment. I stopped and bought a card for my husband. Cards are something he gives me often - sometimes when we've had a fight or he has done something that (in retrospect) was not his best idea ever. I kid you not - sometimes he will come home with 10 different cards, each of which spoke a different sentiment, but all of which he means. Cards are one of my husband's ways of expressing his love. For my experiment, I decided to speak his love language, and I bought him a card. It was nothing spectacular, just a sweet little card expressing love, talking about how hard life can be together, but how we are committed to making it through. The message in the card, honestly, wasn't that important. What I wrote in it was the actual gift.
I took a few minutes to compose a short note to my husband about how much I love him, and that he is my hero every single day, whether I remember to tell him or not. I owned up to the fact that I am not always the easiest person to love, and how grateful I am that he continues to love me, even when it's hard.
Last night as we laid in bed talking, he told me how much that card meant to him. He told me how ENCOURAGING it was to him to know that I believe in him. He told me he had shown the card to my stepdaughter, to show her how much I love him, and how much it means to him. ( I will admit, I was a little uncomfortable with that, just because it was a sentiment between us, but in the end, her seeing how true, God-given love behaves can only be a good thing.)
In short, in the span of less than 12 hours, God had shown me how such a small effort as a card can enrich and enliven my marriage. He showed me how giving my husband even that small bit of encouragement can mean so much to my husband, how it helps my husband understand and feel the love I have for him.
But even more importantly, and this is what got me up early this morning when I would much rather have been sleeping, it made me realize that I am Jesus to my husband. My husband is sitting on the sideline of the greatest transformation that has ever happened in my life - that of me truly giving my life over to Christ for the first (real) time. I truly believe, it is through my transformation that God is working in my husband. This is what I have to keep in mind each time I am tempted to dump "truth" out on his head. You know that truth - the truth about every thing he has ever done that hurt me. The truth about every thing he has ever said that was "wrong", that would vindicate me in an argument. The truth about how frustrating it is when he expects me to pick up after him, rather than picking up his own dirty, smelly socks and putting them in the hamper.
God has called on me to show grace to my husband.
Don't get me wrong - I think God has left room for me to be truthful with my husband about the fact that I would really appreciate it if he would pick up his stinky socks. God has just showed me that, in grace, I can say that to him without being hurtful. With grace, I can encourage my husband and help him to be more.
I can encourage my husband, and show him Christ's love, poured out through me.
Truth and Grace, shared with love, from me to my husband. Epic Win.
Now understand - I have an infant daughter, along with four other children and a husband care for. I honestly require every spare second of sleep I can get! But today, the Lord wanted me up and working on this, and so, obediently, here I am.
Yesterday was a day of many revelations. (Not capital R, Revelations - that's a whole different discussion!) I have prayed for understanding lately, and I have prayed for my marriage. God chose to give me both in measure while at church yesterday.
I was early for the service yesterday. My husband, who is pagan, does not attend church with me for obvious reasons, but it does afford me the small luxury of sometimes leaving the baby home with him while I attend services. My daughter and stepdaughter were up late Saturday night, and as my mother likes to say, "The devil was in their pillows on Sunday morning!"
So I found myself ready to leave for church by myself, a little earlier than usual, and I set off. My early arrival (and lack of money for a latte or cappuccino at the coffee bar) gave me time to visit the church resource center, which has recordings of past services, but also sells Christian books, music, and movies. I was drawn to one section that is specifically devoted to readings recommended by the Pastors of the church, and specifically to one row, devoted to the marriage relationship. The one book in particular that kept drawing me back was one on Encouraging your Husband (I'll look the title up later and link it - right now it's in the bedroom with my sleeping husband, who would NOT be encouraged by me waking him up!). One of the things my husband has said in the last few months, as we struggled in our marriage, is that he feels that I tell him he's my hero one minute, and dirt the next. It wasn't intentional on my part, mind you - in my head he was always my hero. The problem is that my words didn't match what I was feeling.
In the day to day muck and mud of love and marriage, it's easy to forget to be a light to your spouse or significant other. It's all too easy to get bogged down in the garbage of having to pick his socks up off the floor again, or picking up the wet towel he left on the floor, or once again, having to put the dishes in the sink that he just left on the table for the "dish fairy" to take care of for him! When all of those things pile up, and that little bugger "resentment" kicks in, it can be hard to be a life-affirming, love-giving, champion of their every move, grace-full partner.
And yet, Jesus calls us to be just that.
I read the first five or so pages of the book before the service started yesterday. On my way home, I decided to start a small experiment. I stopped and bought a card for my husband. Cards are something he gives me often - sometimes when we've had a fight or he has done something that (in retrospect) was not his best idea ever. I kid you not - sometimes he will come home with 10 different cards, each of which spoke a different sentiment, but all of which he means. Cards are one of my husband's ways of expressing his love. For my experiment, I decided to speak his love language, and I bought him a card. It was nothing spectacular, just a sweet little card expressing love, talking about how hard life can be together, but how we are committed to making it through. The message in the card, honestly, wasn't that important. What I wrote in it was the actual gift.
I took a few minutes to compose a short note to my husband about how much I love him, and that he is my hero every single day, whether I remember to tell him or not. I owned up to the fact that I am not always the easiest person to love, and how grateful I am that he continues to love me, even when it's hard.
Last night as we laid in bed talking, he told me how much that card meant to him. He told me how ENCOURAGING it was to him to know that I believe in him. He told me he had shown the card to my stepdaughter, to show her how much I love him, and how much it means to him. ( I will admit, I was a little uncomfortable with that, just because it was a sentiment between us, but in the end, her seeing how true, God-given love behaves can only be a good thing.)
In short, in the span of less than 12 hours, God had shown me how such a small effort as a card can enrich and enliven my marriage. He showed me how giving my husband even that small bit of encouragement can mean so much to my husband, how it helps my husband understand and feel the love I have for him.
But even more importantly, and this is what got me up early this morning when I would much rather have been sleeping, it made me realize that I am Jesus to my husband. My husband is sitting on the sideline of the greatest transformation that has ever happened in my life - that of me truly giving my life over to Christ for the first (real) time. I truly believe, it is through my transformation that God is working in my husband. This is what I have to keep in mind each time I am tempted to dump "truth" out on his head. You know that truth - the truth about every thing he has ever done that hurt me. The truth about every thing he has ever said that was "wrong", that would vindicate me in an argument. The truth about how frustrating it is when he expects me to pick up after him, rather than picking up his own dirty, smelly socks and putting them in the hamper.
God has called on me to show grace to my husband.
Don't get me wrong - I think God has left room for me to be truthful with my husband about the fact that I would really appreciate it if he would pick up his stinky socks. God has just showed me that, in grace, I can say that to him without being hurtful. With grace, I can encourage my husband and help him to be more.
I can encourage my husband, and show him Christ's love, poured out through me.
Truth and Grace, shared with love, from me to my husband. Epic Win.
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